Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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