this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
