she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
