thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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