im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Every concussion has its silver lining
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Randomize
