just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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