its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
