Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
