My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
