haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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