gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
