i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
