You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
