Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
