i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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