He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
