he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
