You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
