hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
