Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
