Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
