Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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