I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
