I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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