Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
