i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
