I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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