That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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