I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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