party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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