my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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