i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
