Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
