This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
