yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
