I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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