i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
