hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
