I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
