i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
