I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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