google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
A+ Viking dick
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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