the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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