yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
