I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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