I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
