He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
