We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
