I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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