I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
