so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
