I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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