i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
