Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
